great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I love having hate sex.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
