She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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