Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
