i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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