he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
foreskin is a definite game changer
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
