butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
