I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up under a house in Key West
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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