Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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