Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
