GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
