I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
