Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
