Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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