I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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