I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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