hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
