If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
