are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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