Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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