jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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