well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
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How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
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Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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