Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
