I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize