she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
