Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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