almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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