By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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