Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i need some magic done to my vagina
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
