goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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