how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
