1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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