Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
