You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
