Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
