Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
