you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
