The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
