I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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