FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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