I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
