If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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