dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
