Have you finally orgasmed yet?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
