lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
