4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
