those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
