hell yes lets make some ravioli
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
