Dual....:-)
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Fuck appropriateness.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
