i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
