Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
