yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
