I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
