I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
