Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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