I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
