i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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