I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
